Living Loving Learning

Dear Robin

In Dear Robin, Moms on Sunday, March 29, 2009 at 8:45 pm

 Dear Robin,

What do I say, instruct, teach a child who is insistent that his siblings are “ruining his life”?  Suggestions?  Ideas?  How do I show compassion but also get the point across that he is NOT a victim? That having siblings is part of life.


(This child is seven and the oldest of four children.) 


OK – help this mom out. Have some suggestions for her?


 Be sure to tell us your own birth-order…it will be interesting to hear your different perspectives.




  1. I went through this with my oldest. Its not so bad now. I explained to her that they are not responsible for how she feels. Only she determines how she is going to feel. The other kids are just being themselves and if she doesn’t like that then she’ll have to figure out why and change her response to it. We talk about what we see as positive in the other kids. It helps her to think about her siblings in a positive way.

    We still have bad days, but the good days are getting better. She also knows that if she treats her siblings with more respect, they respond to her more nicely. She enjoys that because she doesn’t like to play alone. We’ve learned alot about cooperation.

    I am the oldest of 6 kids and I felt that my siblings were ruining my life. I didn’t get instruction on how to love my siblings and have felt the rift between us because I was more of an authority figure to them. It caused lots of resentment.

  2. This looks familiar. 😉

  3. I am the oldest as well, so I can definately relate. In past remembrencances and in dealing with my oldest now (in addition to the great advice Gina gave) I say to teach to treat others as you would want to be treated. I ask my oldest how he would feel if his daddy treated him the way he treats his younger brother. Also explain how cool they younger ones think their brother is. “They want to be just like you because you’re so cool!” This esteem builder goes a long way in making an older sibling feel special in their role.

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