Living Loving Learning

Dear Robin…

In Uncategorized on Monday, November 24, 2008 at 9:32 am

I’m gonna need some help.

Okay, so tell me. How am I going to explain to my little ones (2,4,6,&9–mostly the 4 &6year old) how their aunt (my 19 year old sister) is going to have a baby, when she is not married. She just found out today so I have about 6 weeks before I plan to tell the girls, but I’m guessing they are going to have questions! So… what are the answers??



How about practicing your parental skills (even if you’re not a parent).  Do you have some answers for this perplexed mom?  What would you tell a logical thinking 6 year old?




  1. Hah, Anna beat me to it. Exactly what I was going to say.

  2. Honesty is always the best policy. My oldest knows that her daddy and I weren’t married when we got pregnant, but that we are now, and we made some mistakes. Its always easier than having to back track and tell the truth later. Then they don’t trust you as much, in my opinion and experience.

  3. I agree. You can’t shield your children from other people’s mistakes. Tell the truth and use the situation to teach them God’s way…God’s will for them to be married before having children…and God’s will for us to love on others…even when they make mistakes. Children are always a blessing, so they need to have permission to be excited even when they know how it happened was wrong.

  4. The above answers are all good. However, I would add that while the daughter made a mistake, this child is no mistake. Sometimes, we do things that are not in God’s timing, but this baby is still a gift.

    I have a 4 and 6 year old. I don’t imagine I would go into an extreme amount of detail with them unless they ask questions. And, when they ask questions, tell them the truth. Otherwise, I would not make a huge deal about it in conversation. They are not going to comprehend it all. They are 4 and 6! I have shown my 6 year old the house where his dad and I used to live. He just answers “okay.” I have found that planting seeds about a situation with younger children then answering their questions as they mature and have more understanding of things is better. But that’s me!

  5. I would tell them the truth. Then I would tell them that the baby is proof that God can make something wonderful out of not so great situations. Then, let them love on their aunt and get excited about a baby cousin.

  6. I would agree with Elizabeth. Sometimes people do not make the best judgements and from this we learn something. Everything happens for a reason. You might also look online to get some resources to help in explaining to your little ones what is happening to their aunt.

    With my son, I have always done my best to be honest with him. This is only because I am a horrilbe liar and it is so much easier to remember the truth than a lie. when something has happened around him, I would explain to him the best way I could and if he didn’t understand then I would Google it and get more information.

    I think you asking on what you should say to them shows that you are a good mom and you are looking out for your kids.

  7. Ditto all of the above.


  8. Totally the truth. (We my hubby and I had our daughter Madison when I was 19 and he was 20.) (We also knew each other all of maybe a month or two, which Glory to GOD) (I know full well without God coming into our lives, we would not be we) Nope we were not married. When our Madison was 6 she asked why she was at our wedding. (My first response brewing in my head was to say that was some kid who looked like her, but daddy spoke up with truth.) He said mommy and daddy didn’t know like we know now how special it is to save our hearts for one another. That we were gifts for one another. But woven throughout the bible is how HE brings forth life. So without us knowing HIM or even having hearts for HIM back then we choose to have her because we knew HE was the author of life. She is now 10 yrs old and desires so much to have her heart full for her husband that God will bring her to someday. (She was not devastated and it has opened so many doors for us to have some amazing conversations between one another. IE conversations on how repairing my heart so I could have a full heart for my husband. So at 6, details are not gonna mean “details” as we would think. But as they grow details will pop up and other questions will be asked. Celebrate this and love that precious baby. Madison knows full well that i would be very literally in a gutter somewhere had God not used this to begin to change my life around and then trickle down through our family. Hope this helps!!! Oh ps love and support her and don’t allow yourself to hang a scarlet letter on her for her choices, it just prolongs the “outcastness” and brings no repentance. (That is from experience)

  9. Thanks so much, you guys! See? This is why I don’t tell you what I think. The Truth in you and your stories of God’s redemption are SO worth hearing!

    If I just gave you my opinion, we might not ever hear these great comments!! 🙂

    So, THANKS!!

  10. Noah was four when he learned he had a half-brother and he thought that was cool. He started asking questions as he got older and then finally, the day came when he understood it all.

    Tell them what they can understand. But never lie.

  11. The truth. And then I’d put them to bed go to my room and cry!

    That is what I did when we told Seth the truth about our family situation.

    It was hard. It totally sucked. I hated it. It’s life!

    One thing, I’ve had to guard myself is not to pass my areas of judgement toward my family to my children. The truth is I still judge them. It’s not right. It’s wrong. I’m dealing with it. I just don’t want my children picking up on it and then carrying it as their own.

    Occassionaly Seth will pepper me with questions. I always always say…”let’s wait until dad comes home and we will answer your questions together.”

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