Living Loving Learning

Hurts and Offenses….Part 3

In Uncategorized on Monday, November 10, 2008 at 10:10 am

I want to spend just a couple of more days on the “hurt feelings, being offended” subject.  I hope you’ve gotten a lot from the comments that people have left.  You guys are wise!

Next I want to discuss your reactions when your feelings are hurt. When you’re offended do you become a stuffer (you hide your feelings and pretend that you’re not hurt)?  Or are you a screamer, a door-slammer, or maybe you throw things?  Or do you just shut down, try to keep from feeling anything, and become cold, detached and withdrawn?

You know you react in some form.  It’s a natural response.  Let’s learn to recognize it.

I’ll go first.

I just shut down.  My reaction is to pull back and not talk, smile or interact.  

So?  How do you react to being hurt and offended?



  1. I guess the apple didn’t fall too fad from the tree here. I just down as well. I hide my heart and put up a wall of protection. In my mind I say, “well, if they hurt me, I’m not giving them the power to do it again. You can forget it!” Almost saying, “I’ll teach you to hurt my feelings!” real mature!

  2. I use to yell and get even. If you hurt me than I get to hurt you, right?

    I am now a closer offer. I become quiet and stand off to the side now.

  3. i guess it just depends. most of the time i just smile as if nothing happened – but if they are really hurt – i get angry and act in an angry way.
    i pray i stand strong in the word of God, so these hurt feeling don’t happen so…

  4. I’m not a revenge seeker. I once heard someone say, “No one wants to pay the price of revenge. It cost God His only son.”

    A bit dramatic, but we cannot place ourselves in a judgment seat.

    I typically share my hurt with my husband or accountability partner. If necessary, I go to that person (as hard as this is) and express my hurt. If it’s not necessary (or not the right thing to do), I walk it out in forgiveness.

    I think sometimes, we want people to KNOW they were wrong. We want them to SEE their mistakes…their offenses. I am not the Holy Spirit. Let the Holy Spirit convict. And, let us forgive.

  5. It depends on who offended me and how bad the offense!

  6. I think I have many different ways of coping when my feelings get hurt. If it is people I do not know well, I tend to act as if it didn’t bother me but when it comes to people I respect and call my friend, I tend to shut down. I know I have a smart mouth and closing myself off seems to work.

    I can say that this past weekend my feelings have been really bad and the only way I know how to cope is to partly act as if nothing is wrong and then the other part of me shuts down. I tell God that I know he is doing this for a reason and whatever it is, I am not like it but know in the long run it is what is best for me. So for now Chin Up and Smile 🙂

  7. Generally I can shake it off deciding it’s not a hill to die on. In the times when I’m really hurt…really…I have learned to go to the person and talk to them, privately. BUT there are plenty of times when I just shrink and don’t say anything for a while – if I”m trying to figure out if it’s worth the confrontation or if I’m just being a baby.

  8. I am a crier. My eyes instantly well up at the moment my feelings are hurt. People can almost always read it right on my face.

  9. It definitely depends on who offends me. If it is not someone close to me I find it easier just to forget it and let it roll of my back, usually try to stay away from them too (maybe that is shutting down?). But if it is someone close to me and I am really upset I will confront them about it, tell them how it made me feel and try to fix the relationship. I’m a crier too Hope, I can’t not, I wish I could control it!!

  10. If it’s someone with whom I’m in relationship, then I tell them how I felt. If it’s someone I barely know, then I typically talk my way through it without mentioning it to them.

  11. I would say I just totally avoid that person. It’s not usually that I’m really upset, but just would prefer not to be reminded of how that person upset me by seeing them.

  12. I pull back. Then I analyze the situation to death. I have to feel pretty safe with the person to let my true feelings known. In the past, I have put up huge walls and made been determined to not trust or open up my heart again to that person.

    All of this self made solutions worked well until I married and had children. Now, feelings getting hurt are a weekly occurrence. I am forever on my knees searching the word for truth and biblical ways to confront and stay in an attitude of love. Goodness—-I can’t say I am any wiser but definitely more humble. One thing I have learned is GRACE. 99% of the time my feelings getting hurt is a direct result of a lack of communication. I’m rambling!

    The area where I feel I really need the Lord’s help is I refuse to let others see me emotionally weak. I will not cry or let my defense down. I really don’t like that about myself. The root obviously is pride and insecurity and fear of rejection.

  13. I mutter comments to myself, justify my actions in the situation, talk angrily out loud to myself about “how dare they” and then someone overhears me and tells me the truth 🙂

    Sometimes I think I haven’t aged a day past 14… working on it.

  14. I just hold most in but i know this is unhealthy but most of the time i talk to myself which seems weird but i feel as though the feelings get pieced together with other things that make my mind just forget them and see how little those feelings are standing in my way to doing what i want like these questions of what will people think of of me or do i look like everyone else all of which my mind blocks to a point were i dont care like my biggest is what will people think if they see me ready my bible but then i just like to read it but i do go to the library but students still can see but thats how it goes

  15. Well,,,

    When I am walking in the flesh…I wait til I am alone with my husband and drive him crazy with TALKING about it..
    BUT, I am learning…

    As I get older, I find I don’t have any time I want to waste on being offended. I will process how the hurtful comment (or whatever) made me feel. I will tell God how I feel and tell him that although I may have the right to convict my offender I MAKE the CHOICE to take that offense to the cross and let the blood of Jesus blot it out. ( I am very visual…) I see the paper with my writing on it and the blood covering it until I can’t read it anymore. Then, I pray for the person..(bless those who curse you…)

    If it is a family member or someone I care deeply about, it may take more than one trip to the cross.

    I know that there is so much my God wants to give to me and if I let the enemy keep me trapped in the power of unforgiveness–I can’t be free to get His blessings.

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